STRANGE WEATHER
 
As this peculiar daydream of Henke´s begins we find Henke, his wife Thi and Henke´s best friend from his childhood, Rob, just emerging from the entrance of the hotel they´re staying at. The place is a town in the USA called Merritt Island. The date is November 4, 2024. The time is 11:30 AM, local time. (Which is EST.)
 
Henke:
 
“So, everyone! On this last day of our five-week vacation we get to sight-see the place where America´s space adventure played out - way back in the 1960s!”
 
Rob (an American who was Henke´s best friend in childhood):
 
“Ah, yeah. Nostalgia! The swinging sixties – that decade of the all-too-brief summer of love and other adventures - when we were young. Those were the days!”
 
Thi:
 
“It sure is windy here today!”
 
Rob:
 
“Well - the weather service did warn us that there was some kind of weird-ass freakish kind of storm on its way when we got up in the wee hours of the morning about five hours ago!”
 
Henke:
 
“Hey, everybody! I´m famished. I say we go for a walk around town and see if we run across any decent lunch spots.”
 
Said and done. The party of three begin to walk down the street in the direction of downtown Merritt Island.
 
Thi and Rob don´t notice that the look on Henke´s face just then goes remarkably blank.
 
WHAT A DAY FOR A DAYDREAM!
 
Then – after they have been strolling down the street for two, or three minutes, Thi suddenly cries out!
 
Thi:
 
“Guys! Doesn´t that big grey thingy down the street that´s coming at us look just like it´s a tornado?”
 
Rob:
 
“I think we ought to run like all heck!”
 
Henke:
 
“Too late!”
 
In just an instant the fearful trio is engulfed by the “tornado”! A few moments later Thi, Henke and Rob find themselves standing unharmed in the street – like dummies. At first, none of them have anything to say. Then Thi shivers and complains.
 
Thi:
 
“Guys! All of a sudden - I feel cold. In fact - I´m freezing! Even though we are in the semi-tropical state of Florida!”
 
Rob:
 
“Yeah. That tornado was just weird, man, weird!”
 
Henke:
 
“I feel cold too. I say we hurry up and try to find ourselves a decent lunch spot where we can get something nice and warm to eat!”
 
Said and done. Our brave trio trudge on in search of some place where they will be able to get themselves a hot meal!
 
Henke:
 
“Hey, Thi and Rob! Don´t the cars on this street look antediluvian, suddenly? I haven´t seen any chrome-plated Chevies and Buicks like those over there since my childhood – way back in the 1960s!”
 
Rob:
 
“Henke! Thi! Just look at that poster in the display window of that record store! Isn´t that bizarre?”
 
Henke and Thi look. And Henke, at least, gasps!
 
Henke:
 
“That is just too weird for sure, Rob! The Beatles are going to release a new LP next month? And its title is going to be Rubber Soul? What´s going on? This is crazy, man, crazy!”
 
Thi:
 
“Hey, guys! Let´s concentrate on getting ourselves some eats to warm ourselves up with. This restaurant here on our left looks good to me!”
 
Rob:
 
“Hmmm. The Paradise Lounge? The place looks decent to me. Not seedy at all! I say we get some hot chow here! Right now!”
 
Henke has no objection to this - so the trio goes right in. They soon find themselves seated at a table. The table is located at the edge of a big dining lounge.
 
A waiter brings the trio menus, a pitcher of water and a basket of bread sticks. Henke, Rob and Thi begin studying their respective menus. Customers are steadily dribbling into the lounge – looking for a tasty lunch.
 
Henke:
 
“Hey, Rob! Check out that couple over there which just entered from the street. The guy looks sort of decent. Although a little seedy – sort of like a used car salesman.
 
“But the dame! What the heck is that outfit of hers supposed to represent? She´s dressed in some sort of silken baggy trousers and a blouse which exposes way too much! And on her head, she has some kind of fez-like thingy equipped with a veil. She looks like she belongs in the Middle East – not here in Florida.”
 
Rob:
 
“Well, she doesn´t look as if she hails from the Middle East to me, Henke. Because she´s clearly a blonde. And a helluva good-looking blonde at that!”
 
The middle-aged gentleman escort of the blonde pulls out a chair from the table indicated by the maitre´d and offers it to his younger female companion. She gracefully sits herself down in the proffered chair. A waiter brings the couple a pair of menus.
 
The maitre´d now shows a pudgy, college-age looking youth in a turtle-neck sweater to a seat at a table adjacent, to the right, of the afore-mentioned couple.
 
Henke, Rob and Thi proceed to order their lunch. Thi orders a grilled swordfish filet and sparkling water. Henke and Rob order a rib-eye steak each - along with a couple of cold beers. The sparkling water and the cold beers are served momentarily. Henke and Rob sit back and begin sipping their cold beers. They gaze with interest at the middle-aged man and his younger female companion.
 
Henke:
 
“I wonder if that strangely dressed broad is the guy´s daughter – or is instead a younger-woman romantic interest of his? What do you think, Rob?”
 
Before Rob has time to answer the young lady addresses her older male escort.
 
The strangely dressed young beauty: “Oh, Master! There are so many tempting dishes on this menu to choose from! I simply cannot make up my mind. Could you please help me out, Master?”
 
The middle-aged man:
 
“Well, Jeannie! You know how much I want you to be happy! I´ll be glad to help you out!
 
“Now, let´s see! How about grilled lamb chops with exotic herbs and spices? That dish should jive with the kind of food you have become accustomed to over all those many, many years of your past life!”
 
Jeannie (with eagerness in her voice):
 
“Oh, Master! Thank you for the kind advice! But after all those years of eating grilled lamb over, and over, and over again – I do think that it would be nice with some variety. I would like to try something new, Master!
 
“Oh please, Master!”
 
Master:
 
“Whatever makes you happy, Jeannie! Just tell me what tickles your fancy – and I´ll order it for you!”
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh, thank you, Master! You are always so nice to me! I noticed something here in the seafood section which mystifies me. `Fresh oysters´! Please tell me, Master. What are `oysters´? I am unfamiliar with that word. Do `oysters´ taste good?”
 
Master:
 
“Jeannie, dear! Let me tell you. Fresh oysters are a real treat! A classical delicacy. Fresh oysters are the kind of dish which genuine gourmets go for!
 
“Would you like some, Jeannie? You know I only want to make you happy! As for me – I think I will have the filet mignon with herb butter. Can´t go wrong with that choice!”
 
Henke and Rob watch and listen to “Master” and “Jeannie” discussing their forthcoming order. Then Henke comes up with a comment.
 
HENKE HAS STILL ANOTHER A PECULIAR THOUGHT
 
Henke:
 
“You know what, Rob! One of those peculiar thoughts of mine just occurred to me!”
 
Rob:
 
“I´m all ears, Henke! Those oh-so-peculiar thoughts of yours are always intriguing – and entertaining!”
 
Henke:
 
“Rob. Over the last few minutes – as we´ve been waiting for our orders to be served – my mind has been trying hard to put two and two and two together. And now I think I´ve got it! Six! The answer I mean!”
 
Rob:
 
“The answer to what?”
 
Henke:
 
“The answer to the strange goings-on so far today! Early this morning the weather service warned us that some weird-ass weather was on its way. Then – around five hours later. As we were going out in search of something to eat - we encountered that strange tornado thingy! Which felt cold – even though we were down here in the south of the U. S. of A. - in sunny Florida!
 
“And then – after we had been immersed for a few moments in that chilly tornado – we noticed that our surroundings didn´t look the same as they did before the tornado! The cars on the street suddenly seemed to be living fossils of car models from fifty or sixty years ago! And when we subsequently passed by a record store – we saw a poster for that classical Beatles LP – Rubber Soul! And – the poster said explicitly that said album was going to debut in December! In December of this current year? How is that possible?
 
“Rob – what the heck do we get when we put all those facts concerning what we have seen so far today together?”
 
Rob:
 
“Six?”
 
Henke:
 
“No, Rob – not six! But nineteen sixty-five – that´s what! That tornado thingy must have been some sort of created-by-nature time tunnel phenomenon, Rob! We are not existing in the year 2024 right now! We have somehow been time-travelled back into the year 1965!
 
“And that, Rob – explains the strange suspicion I began to develop already five minutes ago. The suspicion, namely, that the middle-aged man and his drop-dead gorgeous younger woman companion sitting over there look mighty familiar. I just knew that they looked familiar as soon as they walked in. And - now I know just exactly where and when I´ve seen them both before! Even though it was a long, long time ago!
 
“That charmed sitcom which I loved when I was just a ten- and eleven-year-old boy way back in the middle of the 1960s – it must have been, in fact, a reality show all that time - and not just a sitcom! Because the astronaut - and the genie which he discovered in a bottle on a beach – by means of serendipity. Said odd couple obviously are existing right now in real life – right here, in front of us, right now – and this `now´ is 1965! Not 2024. Because seeing is believing. So there! Are you impressed by my sleuth work, Rob? I must be a regular Sherlocke Holmes, you know!”
 
The waiter brings the trio their food. And Henke takes a big swallow of his beer for the sake of celebrating his success at showing off to his friend, Rob – and leans back in his chair with a smug grin on his face.
 
Thi looks away. For she is mighty embarrassed by Henke´s obvious display of second-handedness. Even though she hails from Southeast Asia. For – the Southeast Asians – they are, to be sure, obsessed with the all-importance of never, ever losing face. So - they themselves do hold second-handedness to be the equivalent, in their culture, of Kant´s categorical imperative in the West. But - at least the Southeast Asians practice second-handedness with style and finesse. Not with such utter vulgarity as Henke´s immediately preceding brazen display of admiration-seeking!
 
Henke notices a middle-aged man entering the lounge with a boy who looks as if he´s twelve or thirteen years old. The pair are shown to the table adjacent to the left of “Master” and “Jeannie”.
 
But Henke does not waste his attention on them. Instead, he digs into his rib-eye steak. So does Rob. And Thi – she begins enjoying her swordfish filet.
 
The middle-aged man and the kid - who looked as if he was probably the man´s son - begin studying the menus which a waiter had brought them as soon as they had sat down. The same waiter subsequently takes Master´s order for a dozen fresh oysters for Jeannie and a filet mignon for himself – and scurries away towards the kitchen.
 
The pudgy youth in the turtle-neck sweater to the right has by now been handed a menu by one of the hard-working waiters. But – he has yet to make up his mind about what to order.
 
For a few minutes it seems that nothing out of the ordinary is going to occur in this lounge for the rest of the day. The numerous customers in the lounge just sit quietly – enjoying their food and drink. In due course a waiter comes out from the kitchen carrying Jeannie´s order of fresh oysters and Master´s filet mignon.
 
The peace and quiet continues.
 
Then – after another quiet minute – a woman´s voice is suddenly heard complaining about her food!
 
Jeannie:
 
”Oh Master! I don´t think that I can eat these oyster thingies! For they are soft and slurpy and slippery. And they taste just like seawater!”
 
Master:
 
“Now, Jeannie! Don´t be silly. Those oysters are just fine. There´s nothing whatsoever wrong with them. Jeannie!
 
“And let me remind you that you asked for those oysters. You indicated very clearly that you wanted them. Now – for you to refuse to eat what you ordered – that would be very rude, Jeannie! So – Jeannie dear. Just eat your oysters – or else you will make me angry!”
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh Master! I don´t want to make you angry. But I just cannot eat these oyster thingies. I just can´t!”
 
Master:
 
“Well, Jeannie. If that is going to be your attitude! Then I know the appropriate response!”
 
“Master” pushes his chair back from the table. And remains seated. He addresses Jeannie in a stern voice.
 
Master:
 
“Jeannie! Get up from your seat and come over and stand next to me! To my right, that is.”
 
Master crooks his finger and beckons to Jeannie. Jeannie cannot help herself. She has not the nerve to balk at Master´s instruction. So soon she is standing at Master´s right side.
 
Master:
 
“Now lay yourself down over my lap, Jeannie!”
 
By now, the heads of the dining customers sitting around the dozen or so tables closest to that of Master and Jeannie have taken a pause from eating and are staring – with mouths open – at the scene which is unfolding.
 
Jeannie doesn´t seem to be able to make up her mind what on earth she should do. She just stands there – to her still sitting, and patiently waiting, Master´s right side. Tears are beginning to well up in her eyes.
 
Master (while drumming the fingers of his left hand on his knee):
 
“Jeannie. If you know what´s good for you – don´t try my patience. Well - I´ll be nice to you, Jeannie, and spell out for you just exactly what I expect you to do for me.”
 
By now the entire room full of dining guests have paused their eating and are staring at the developing scene. Including Henke, Thi and Rob.
 
PARTYTIME FOR HENKE!
 
Henke (with saliva dribbling down to his chin from the side of his mouth):
 
“Oh, boy! I can hardly wait!”
 
Thi:
 
“Wait for what, Henke?”
 
Henke:
 
“Oh, darling. You wouldn´t understand. Since you are a vanilla!” Thi (raising her voice):
 
“I´m a what? I´m a vanilla? Is that supposed to be some sort of racial slur against us ethnic Vietnamese that I´m not familiar with?”
 
Henke:
 
“Oh please, darling! Don´t distract me from all the fun stuff that´s about to start!”
 
Several dining customers at the immediately adjacent tables chime in with a chorus of “Shhh” and “Shhh” and “Shhh”. The social disapproval induces Thi to quiet down and just passively observe the unfolding drama starring Master and Jeannie.
 
Master:
 
“It´s like this Jeannie. You have just been a naughty, naughty girl! And since I take pride in being an all-American, traditional alpha male - I am going to respond to your naughtiness in the traditional all-American way! Now hear this, Jeannie, I am going to teach you some all-American manners. By means of giving you the traditional all-American punishment for naughty girls who misbehave!
 
“Here´s what you must do right now, Jeannie! You start by bending forward – from where you are standing – right over my lap. [Master pats both his thighs with his left hand.] And then all you must do is to gently lower your body over my thighs so that your belly winds up resting on my lap.
 
“And then I´ll take it from there!”
 
Master smiles at Jeanie expectantly while the fingers of his lefthand drum on his thighs.
 
Jeannie (in a whisper): “Oh, Master! I´m scared!” Master waits for some thirty seconds. Then he loses his patience with Jeannie´s uncooperativeness. So - he utters a threat! Master: “Jeannie. You know that you are supposed to do as I say. Those are the rules which govern your existence! For - I am the guy who finally let you out of that dinky little bottle after all those centuries! “Now hear this, Jeannie! If you do not get yourself over my lap – right now! Then I suppose that I will just have to order you back into that dinky little bottle, seal it – and throw it back into the ocean!”
 
These harsh words of Master do indeed do the trick! In a jiffy Jeannie lowers herself over Master´s lap.
 
Master:
 
“Alright, Jeannie. Good girl! Now all you must do is to – assume the position – fully and completely! You must wriggle yourself forward just a wee little bit so that your hips are perpendicular to my belly. Then you will really have assumed the appropriate position! And by the way – you will also be more comfortable for the duration of the traditional all-American punishment for naughty girls!”
 
Jeannie (crying out in a panic):
 
“Punishment, Master? Are you going to hurt me? Oh, please don´t!”
 
Master:
 
“Now, now – Jeannie! Please compose yourself. I´m not going to really hurt you. No, Jeannie. I´m just going to do the right thing. I´m going to perpetrate on you the all-American appropriate medicine for a naughty girl! Jeannie, I´ll have you know that what is coming up in a moment is a venerated all-American tradition here in the states. And a good, sound spanking has never done any naughty girl any real harm. Quite the opposite, in fact!”
 
And with that Master with one single lithe movement of his right hand yanks down Jeannie´s Middle-Eastern equivalent of panties!
 
Which, but of course, bares Jeannie´s drop-dead gorgeous sit-upon! The crowd in the lounge emits a loud, collective gasp! Jaws drop to chins! Henke´s eyes widen into saucers – and saliva dribbles down from both the sides of his mouth.
 
Thi´s eyes squint and her lips purse due to anger at Henke´s reaction to the spectacle of a young female´s bare bottom being exposed to his gaze!
 
And – in the middle of the lounge the Spanking commences!
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Owww! Master, pleeease! I´m dying from shame! Ouch! And from the pain! Ouch! Master – your hard hand is – Ouch - hurting me! Ouch! Stop – pleeease stop!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Over at the table to the left of where the (spanking) action is the twelve- or thirteen-year-old boy stops eating and stares open-mouthed at the action!
 
Master:
 
“Aw – c´mon Jeanie! You cry-baby. This is just the time-tested traditional all-American medicine for naughty girls! You should feel honoured that I am giving you this spanking! This spanking is going to do you a world of good!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Jeanie:
 
“But it stings! Ouch! Your hand is – Ouch! - burning my behind! How can this possibly – Ouch! - do me any `world of good´? Ouch! This spanking thing is – Ouch! - downright evil!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Over at the table to the right of where the (spanking) action is - the pimply college youth in the turtleneck still has not decided what to order. And now he is making no progress whatsoever towards ordering his food! For he cannot drag his eyes away from the spanking to the menu. The waiter who is still waiting for an order is on the verge of going apoplectic!
 
Master:
 
“Jeannie! If I know the nature of the members of the fair sex the way I think I do – you will soon be urging me to do it to you still some more! Oh - precious Jeannie – you are so innocent! You have no idea what wonder of wonders is going to happen to you soon! Real soon! You will be so delightfully surprised!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Delightfully – ouch – surprised?”
 
At the table to the left of where the (spanking) action is the patriarchal figure speaks sharply to the kid who is evidently his son:
 
“Junior! Take your eyes off that shameless hussy with the bare bottom and eat your lunch. Right now, junior! Or else – I´ll give you just exactly the same thing which that shameless hussy is getting from her Master. I´m warning you, junior. I mean business!”
 
The kid reluctantly forces himself to reapply himself to the business of eating his lunch!
 
Master:
 
“Jeannie! Be honest with me now! You´re beginning to feel something funny by now – aren´t you? I think I can tell - from the way you are moving your hips as I continue to spank you, dear. That something is going on `down there´! Don´t try to tell me I´m wrong, Jeannie! Because you know how much I disapprove of lying!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
At the table to the left of where the (spanking) action is the patriarchal figure himself is now staring open-mouthed at the bare-bottomed shameless hussy!
 
Henke (speaking to his friend, Rob):
 
“Hey, Rob! Look over there at the table to the left. That shameless male patriarch figure. He just threatened his kid with a spanking for staring at the Master-on-Jeannie bare-bottom spanking. But now he is doing the very same thing! Staring at the spanking! That guy must be one of those hypocritical religious-right nutcases! You know the drill, Rob. It´s Jimmy Swaggart all over again!”
 
A chorus of angry `shhhhs´ from the other customers in the lounge erupted in response to Henke´s remark. This dissuaded Rob from replying.
 
At the table to the right of the where the (spanking) action is the pimply-faced college youth still hasn´t decided on an order!
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Jeanie (with panic in her voice):
 
“Master! Oh, Master! Ouch! Let me up, Master! I need to – Ouch! - go to the bathroom! Ouch! If you don´t let me – Ouch! - up right away, Master, I´m – Ouch! - going to pee on your lap! Oh! Ouch! Ouch! Oh! Help!”
 
Smack! Smack! Smack!
 
Master:
 
“OK, Jeannie! That´s it! I can tell that you´re almost there! Because I learned about the birds and the bees many, many years ago! Just a few more spanks and you´ll learn about the birds and the bees also, Jeannie! Here it comes!”
 
Spank! Spank! Spank!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Dear me! Oh!”
 
Spank! Spank! Spank!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh! Oh! Oh!”
 
Spank! Spank! Spank!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh! Oh! Oh!”
 
Spank! Spank! Jeannie:
 
“Oh! Oh!”
 
SPANK! SPANK! SPANK!
 
Jeannie:
 
“Oh! Oh! Owww-ohoohoohooo!”
 
The lounge erupts with applause. At the table to the left of where the (spanking) action was a moment ago - the patriarchal figure looks around himself nervously.
 
At the table to the right of where the (spanking) action was – the pimply-faced college youth finally decides just exactly what dish he wants to order! He leaps up from his table, points at the bare-bottomed Jeannie and announces loudly:
 
“I´ll have what she´s having!”
 
The entire population of the lounge erupts in laughter!
 
AFTERMATH
 
Except for Henke, Rob and Thi!
 
Thi:
 
“Why is everyone in the lounge laughing? What´s so funny, Henke?”
 
Henke:
 
“Darling. There was this rom-com movie many, many years ago – I mean many, many years ago in the future – and what the youth in the turtleneck just said was a hilarious punchline in said rom-com. All the jerks in this lounge are laughing their heads off because they haven´t seen the movie. Since this is 1965 – and therefore the rom-com movie is more than twenty years in the future. So - the punchline is fresh in their minds´ eyes. They haven´t heard it before. For – the movie won´t hit the movie theatres until – let´s see – 24 years in the future from where and when we are right now.
 
“That´s why Rob and I aren´t laughing. Because for us this punchline is old! We´ve already seen that movie – in the future!
 
“But you, Thi? Did you see this flick over there in Nam? Back in 1989?”
 
Thi:
 
“Naw. I haven´t seen any movie with those words. I couldn´t afford to go to the movies back in 1989. But I still don´t get the joke. Can you explain it to me, Henke?”
 
Henke:
 
“I´d prefer not to, dearest. For - I don´t think you would approve of such prurient humour, Thi. You always get angry at me when I crack a dirty joke in your presence, you know!”
 
Thi:
 
“OK, Henke! If everyone in this lounge was laughing at a dirty joke a moment ago! Then I want no part in it! Let´s just finish our lunch and subsequently go home.
 
“And – Henke! I intend to have a word or two with you about your evident enjoyment of a female being beaten by her man! You know how I feel about male-on-female violence!”
 
Henke sighed. Thi just could not seem to understand the BDSM thing. Which thing meant so much to Henke!
 
The trio resumed the eating of their meal.
 
As for Master and Jeannie – Master required Jeannie to remain sitting at their table - nursing her sore rear end and basking in the residual erotic pleasure - while he leisurely finished his filet mignon. After he had – but of course – covered up her bottom again!
 
Half an hour later Henke, Rob and Thi finished their eating, paid their bill and walked out into the afternoon sunshine. They turned to walk in the direction of their hotel. Just then Master and Jeannie emerged from the restaurant and passed them by. Master and Jeannie sure were walking briskly. They seemed to be in a hurry to get home – for some strange reason!
 
Master was holding Jeannie´s arm firmly in his – but it seemed to be Jeannie who was dragging Master along! And not the other way around! Jeanie had a dreamy look in her eyes. Master was all smiles.
 
Henke addressed Master:
 
“Well done, sir! Well, done!”
 
Master flashed a friendly smile at Henke, tipped his ten-gallon hat and replied - with a distinct drawl:
 
“Much obliged, much obliged!”
 
At first, Henke thought nothing much of it. Just a friendly exchange of words – two men between.
 
But - on second thought – Henke did a double-take!
 
Henke:
 
“Rob! Did you see that? Master was wearing a ten-gallon hat! Isn´t that weird, man weird?”
 
Rob:
 
“What the heck is weird about that, Henke? Texas oil barons wear ten-gallon hats all the time!”
 
MORE SURPRISES
 
Henke was puzzled by Rob´s remark – but was unable to ask Rob what the heck he meant by it. Because Thi interrupted him with a cry:
 
“Guys! Look up ahead. I see another one of those weird-ass tornados coming at us! Look out, everyone! We´ve got trouble!”
 
In a jiffy, our now not-so-merry trio find themselves ensconced in a maelstrom of chilly, windy gusts of air.
 
Fortunately, the minor nightmare only lasts a few seconds. Soon our trio are standing like dummies there on the sidewalk just fifty yards down the street from The Paradise Lounge.
 
Thi is shivering! Hailing from tropical Ho Chi Minh City she, but of course, is sensitive to cold spells – no matter how brief. Henke wraps his arm around his wife to warm her up. And then – Henke happens to glance into the window of the shop outside of which the trio happens to be standing. And – wouldn´t you know it – it is that record store which just a couple of hours before had been displaying a poster announcing the imminent arrival of Rubber Soul.
 
Henke:
 
“What the heck! The poster in the record store window isn´t announcing the imminent arrival of Rubber Soul any longer! They´ve switched out the poster for one about a special promotion of The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift! We´ve time-travelled back to where we were before! The year 2024!
 
All, of a sudden Henke notices a middle-aged man with numerous lines in his face – who is wearing dark sunglasses and a black suit – who seems to have appeared from out of nowhere in the middle of the street. Where the heck had he come from Henke wondered? The man in black is equipped with a megaphone – and he gives Henke a sort of answer – and that real loud!:
 
“Stand back from the road everybody! Whatever you do - don´t venture out into the street. Make way for our boys, everybody! There´s a war on the way! And our boys need elbow room!
 
“You civilians have got to make way for our boys. We´ve got an emergency on our hands! Our boys must beat back the invasion! So – stay clear of the road! Here they come, everybody! Our brave soldiers – ready to fight the illegal aliens!”
 
Henke´s eyes followed the man´s arm and hand. The man in black was pointing down the street. Rob and Thi also looked in the same direction. And – sho´ nuff – a big column of men was marching towards them from down the street!
 
Henke´s attention is drawn from the advancing column of soldiers to a lone figure who races up on a motorbike to the side of the street where Henke, Rob and Thi are standing - and are gaping open-mouthed at the spectacle. The bike-driver, a lanky Afro-American, dismounts and runs over to the guy with the megaphone in the middle of the street. Henke is easily able to hear what the men say to each other.
 
Lieutenant J (the Afro-American with the motorbike):
 
“Sir! Good news! The troops are on their way! They´ll be here in – less than a minute!”
 
Commander K (the guy with the megaphone):
 
“Excellent, Lieutenant! Just in time. The Boglodites´ assault is imminent. Could start any minute now! We´ve got to deploy immediately. No time to do any further organizing and preparation!”
 
Commander K stands directly in front of the first group of soldiers at the front of the column which arrives momentarily. The soldiers in question look to Henke like a detachment of US Marines.
 
Commander K:
 
“Men! Listen up! You´re going into action immediately! Sorry, guys. No time for a rest - and no time for any briefing. It´s an emergency! The Boglodites – that´s the name of the enemy, men. The Boglodites – goddam illegal aliens - they got here so fast that we had nada time to prepare! So - you guys are going to have to improvise! You know – just shoot the bastards dead on sight! You guys are going to be our first line of defence against these illegal alien a-holes.
 
“And Ground Zero of the immanent invasion is going to be the Patrick Space Force Base! So - haul you’re arses over there right now and take up your positions. And don´t you guys ever forget – it´s an honour to die for your country! Chins up, men! Chins up!”
 
The Marines salute smartly to Commander K and promptly begin piling into troop carriers for transport to Patrick Space Force Base – where the Battle for the Earth was evidently going to begin momentarily!
 
Henke (to his buddy Rob):
 
“Gee! Imagine that our vacation has turned out to include a ringside seat to the Battle for the Survival of the Planet Earth! This is almost too awesome to be true!”
 
Commander K (who is now standing next to our trio on the sidewalk):
 
“Hey, jerk! A war is no laughing matter – I´ll have you know!”
 
Henke:
 
“So sorry, sir! Didn´t mean to offend you! Not at all, sir!”
 
When Henke, Rob and Thi look over to the rocket launch towers of the Patrick Space Force Base in the distance they could see strange cigar- and balloon-shaped vessels slowly descending from the sky. The Boglodites were coming! The Boglodites were coming!
 
Commander K (Turning to Lieutenant J - who is also now idling on the sidewalk.):
 
“Hey, Lieutenant J! You got any snacks on you? Something to munch on while we watch the incoming fireworks over there at the Space Force Base in the distance?”
 
Lieutenant J:
 
“Sorry, Commander. I don´t have any snacks on me. But I noticed that I passed a Seven-Eleven 100 yards or so down the street when I was on my way here on the motorbike. I can take my motorbike over there and be back in a jiffy with some snacks. No sweat. What kind of snack would suit your fancy, boss?”
 
Commander K:
 
“I guess a bag of Cheez Doodles would be just fine, J! And a can of Diet Coke!”
 
Lieutenant J:
 
“Sure thing, boss!”
 
Lieutenant J takes off on his bike. Henke notices that the contingent of Marines has now, all of them, set off for Patrick Space Force Base. Now it was the turn of truckload after truckload of Army grunts which were being loaded up into the troop carriers - and subsequently being driven off in the direction of the Space Base.
 
Far off, in the distance to the southeast, explosions were becoming audible – and sudden flashes of light were appearing amongst the rocket launch towers complex. Apparently, the Battle for Earth over at the Space Force Base was already on!
 
Henke sidles over to Commander K, gathers up his courage and addresses the Commander – with a question:
 
“Commander K. Sir! May I ask you a question? Whatever the heck happened way back when - in 1969? Somebody failed to deploy the ArcNet on the Apollo 11 properly, apparently? That´s what happened, right?
 
“Otherwise - we would not be having this here invasion of the Earth by the Boglodites right now? Would we, sir?”
 
Commander K snaps back at Henke, angrily:
 
“Shut your frigging trap, dude! No need to play the blame game! None whatsoever! What happened – happened. So – now. We just got to - deal with it! Deal with the situation as it is – that is!”
 
Henke:
 
“So sorry, sir! I meant no offense. I was just curious! But another thing – I thought this invasion was supposed to come back in the year 2012. For – that was the year that Boris the Animal escaped from his prison on the moon – and set all sorts of bad things in motion - wasn´t it?”
 
Commander K:
 
“The Boglodites put the destruction of Planet Earth on hold. They decided to destroy some other planets first. Which bought us Earthlings a few years of time. But now our supply of good luck has run out. And so - the Boglodites are here, right now! And we must deal with these bastards!
 
“And - remember jerk! Curiosity killed the cat! Just drop your impertinent questions! And don´t disturb me. I´m going to be occupied with important work for the entire next hour – at least!”
 
Henke bites his tongue and sulks for a while. He decides against posing his logical follow-up question about the why the Boglodites were not extinct by now. But - since seeing is believing – they evidently weren´t extinct. And Henke didn´t really need to know why.
 
Soon Lieutenant J comes back on his motorbike with the snacks.
 
Lieutenant J:
 
“Here you go, boss! A big bag of Cheez Doodles and a can of Diet Coke! And some Frito-Lays and a Mountain Dew for me!”
 
Commander K: “Thanks, Ears! Now we´re ready to enjoy a doozy of a show!”
 
Ears:
 
“Sure thing, Sourpuss! Sure thing. This is going to be the spectacle of the century – nay, of the Millenium!”
 
THE SHITSHOW BEGINS
 
Apparently, Commander K and Lieutenant J are now so utterly relaxed in anticipation of the `show´ that they begin to address each other by their affectionate private nicknames.
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Any news concerning the reinforcements, Ears?”
 
Ears:
 
“I just heard over the encrypted communication band that the irregulars will be here in just two minutes – tops. They will, but of course, line up directly behind our regular forces.”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Good! And what about those friendly aliens we were going to appeal to, for assistance?”
 
Ears:
 
“The cooperation of the friendly aliens has not been confirmed yet, sir! At least I haven´t heard anything to that effect!”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Aw, crap! Aliens. Wouldn´t you know it? You never can depend on those foreigners! “Fair-weather `friends!´” - that´s what I´ve always call them.”
 
A soldier on a motorbike, races up to Sourpuss and Ears from the direction of the Patrick Space Force Base. He reports breathlessly:
 
“Sir! We´re suffering heavy casualties! We´re in urgent need of reinforcements! Right now, sir!”
 
Sourpuss looks over to the area where just a few moments ago the army grunts had still been loading themselves into the troop transport vehicles - for the sake of being conveyed to the field of slaughter. The area is empty! The supply of army grunts has evidently already been exhausted.
 
But the sound of music wafts over to Sourpuss, Ears and the messenger from down the street. It is some sort of crazy-ass marching music. Nay – it´s the national anthem for Chrissake – being played out of tune!
 
And – sho ´nuff. Approaching said trio of Henke, Rob and Thi – and said trio of Sourpuss, Ears and the military messenger - was a ragtag column of mighty peculiar characters. Painted faces, raccoon skin hats, red and white and blue t-shirts and torn jeans and all sorts of strange stuff!
 
Sourpuss places himself in directly in front of the creatures and addresses them – with the help of his megaphone:
 
“This is it, Proud Boys! Your time has come. President Trump is mighty proud of you! In a few moments you go into battle against the illegal aliens. The nastiest, dirtiest, most loathsome illegal aliens America has ever seen – the Boglodites! These aliens aren´t even human! Because they´re aliens! Duh!
 
“These here aliens are something else. So – guys! Wipe them out – right off the map! Exterminate them. Like bugs. America salutes you, boys – as you die for your country!”
 
A roar of approval meets Sourpuss: “Awreety, awrighty! Hell yeah! Let´s party! Death to the illegal aliens! We who are about to die salute you, sirs!”
 
And so - the ragtag gang of “Proud Boys” haul their butts into the troop carriers and ride off to death and glory - over at the ongoing melée at the Patrick Space Force Base.
 
CLARIFICATION
 
Henke:
 
“`President Trump´, sir? I thought that Biden was the POTUS right now – today, that is? This is the year 2024 – isn´t it?”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Sure it´s the year 2024. What other year can possibly follow the year 2023? But you don´t get it – do you? Biden´s such a frigging pussy. He wouldn´t defend America against an invasion of illegal aliens on his life – would he? So - this is time travel, man! Time travel!
 
“Since Biden – that traitor – has defaulted on his responsibility to defend his country - the responsibility has fallen on President Trump to build up a real defence of America against those illegal alien Boglodites! After the coming election! Trump! He´s the man to defend America against illegal aliens! Better late than never!
 
“So – this here defence force has been sent back in time for the sake of fighting the Boglodites today in 2024! Why do you think those weird-ass time-travel tornados started turning up this morning? Duh! Those tornados were unfortunate side effects of our brand new, time tunnel technology. You know how it is, dude. There´s always some bugs in brand new technology – which take time to iron out!”
 
Another messenger from the Patrick Space Force Base rides up to Sourpuss and Ears on a motorbike. He delivers his message:
 
“Our forces are taking an awfully bad beating, sirs! Still more, and more Boglodites keep descending on us from outer space. Our men won´t be able to hold out much longer! We really need reinforcements! Like - right now!”
 
Sourpuss and Ears each take a pair of binoculars out of their satchels and train their gazes at the battle in the distance.
 
Sourpuss:
 
“That mess over there looks awfully bad, Ears. We´re going to need lots of reinforcements!”
 
Ears:
 
Sir! I think our last resort is arriving right now. Our indigenous forces!”
 
The sounds of yelping and whooping reaches them from down the road. It is the contingent of native American forces! The recruits of indigenous Americans! Their leader is riding a white horse in the front - and is dressed in traditional warrior gear. Headdress with lots of feathers and all that.
 
Injun leader:
 
“We Hekawis are not friendly Injuns today! Death to the illegal aliens! Woowoowoohippykayaaay!”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Hey Wild Eagle! What are you and your men waiting for? There´s no time to waste! The fate of America is in the balance – like right now! Your country needs you. Over there at the Space Force Base! Ride over there on your horses. Full gallop! Immediately, guys!”
 
So - the Hekawi Injuns obediently ride off a-wailing and a-whooping!
 
Henke:
 
“Mr. Sourpuss. Do you really think that a bunch of Indians equipped with horses and bows and arrows will do any good against space-age Boglodites?”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Well. They are all that Trump could scrape up from the bottom of the barrel. But at least those Hekawis sure can die for their country! And that is something, at least!”
 
Henke:
 
“But what if they – when they´re staring death in the face - chicken out and run away?”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“Trump has thought of that. He ain´t so dumb after all! Trump has made darn sure we got ourselves some barrier troops for the sake of dealing with that theoretically possible problem!”
 
Henke:
 
“Barrier troops? American barrier troops?”
 
Sourpuss (pointing):
 
“Over there! Just lookie!”
 
Henke looks. And – sho´ nuff! Not far behind the native American cannon fodder are a small force of guys and gals equipped with automatics and wearing ski masks bringing up the rear.
 
Henke does a double take. For – he just knows that he has encountered the broad marching at the head of the “barrier troops” somewhere - and at some time - before. Well – Henke cannot not see the broad´s face. Since she is wearing a ski mask. But - that delectable bum! Unmistakeable! Henke just knows he has seen that bum before.
 
Said broad is none other than Henke´s old flame: Eva Mendes! The barrier troops are none other than the MIF! Which has evidently been repurposed by Trump. And Eva is leading a somewhat diminutive physically fit male by a leash attached to a dog collar around the male´s neck. No one among the onlookers knows it – but the “dog” is none other than the demoted Ethan Hunt. Oh! How low the formerly mighty have fallen! A man-dog adjutant!
 
Sourpuss waves at Eva for the sake of indicating that the MIF battalion should follow the native Americans to the battleground – safely behind said cannon fodder, but of course. Eva waves back for the sake of acknowledging that she has gotten the message. And – Henke gets the distinct impression that she takes the opportunity to wave at him also!
 
Had Eva seen him and recognized him after all these years? Henke wonders – and begins to dream one of those wild and woolly daydreams of his – inside his current daydream! Could he possibly be blessed with a replay of that charmed evening way back when – back in that charmed summer of 2010? Henke wonders and wonders.
 
Thi (scolding Henke angrily):
 
“Henke! I saw that! Why did that broad who I´ve never seen before - wave at you! Have you been up to something behind my back, Henke? Have you? Have you? And - none of your tall tales now!”
 
Henke (suddenly waking up from his daydream-inside-a-daydream):
 
“Darling! It´s complicated. But – yes! I did give in to temptation back in the summer of 2010. I dallied with that broad-with-the-delectable-bum! I´m so sorry, Thi! I tried to tell you at the time. But you refused to listen.”
 
Thi:
 
“`I refused to listen´ did I? So - now you´re trying to foist the blame on me, Henke? Skitstövel!”
 
Thi stamps her right foot on the ground repeatedly – for the sake of letting off steam!
 
Henke:
 
“Thi – I swear that nothing ever came of it. I had one single little fling with that famous actress – and then she disappeared from my life forever! Well – until she turned up here from out of nowhere and seemed to wave at me a moment ago – that is. I´m sorry if I hurt you, Thi!”
 
While Thi and Henke were having their little altercation – the small MIF force loaded themselves into a few troop carriers and were driven off to make darn sure the Hekawis did their duty and so died for their country on the killing fields in the distance.
 
Sourpuss munched on his Cheez Doodles, sipped his Diet Coke and observed the mayhem being perpetrated at the Patrick Space Force Base in the distance. Ears interrupted his nibbling of Frito-Lays for the sake of answering his encryption communication device.
 
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
 
Ears (into his encrypted communications device):
 
“What´s that you say, soldier? More reinforcements arriving in three minutes? You´re my man, soldier! Over and out!””
 
Ears (turning to Sourpuss):
 
“Boss! Great news! We´re going to get some major reinforcements in just three minutes. Looks like the day is going to be saved! The friendly aliens are coming through for us after all!”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“The friendly aliens are coming through for us – are they? I can hardly believe it! Not before I see it with my own eyes!”
 
Thi had calmed down by now. She reasoned that since the broad-with-the-bum had gone off to participate in the desperate battle to save the Earth there was no chance whatsoever that Henke would get a chance to dally with said broad again.
 
A small crowd of locals have gathered around and are fascinated by the fireworks in the distance - which periodically light up the sky. After a couple more minutes the sound of numerous heavy trucks approaching were heard. Soon a column of really big tractor-trailers pulls up. A lithe damsel in a uniform jumps down from the cab of the truck in front and yells at the crowd:
 
“Which one of you people is Commander K?”
 
Sourpuss:
 
“That would be me, ma´am! And may I ask – who the heck are you?”
 
Uniformed damsel:
 
“I´m Commander van Patten – that´s who! And I´m here to relieve you of your command, soldier. I´ve been equipped with the awesome responsibility of co-ordinating our forces´ fight side-by-side with the friendly aliens. So - you´re relieved, soldier!
 
“Just one thing! And this is important! Send an order to your men who are fighting over at the Patrick Space Force Base – to clear the heck their butts out of the way pronto! Like right now! Before it´s too late for them! On pain of death - they must not get in the way of our alien allies!”
 
Van Patten subsequently ignores Commander K and turns towards the tractor trailers.
 
Van Patten:
 
“OK, boys! We start off by putting our best foot forward. Release the Great Big Yellow Entity-Eater!”
 
Henke was unable to see which truck released said “Great Big Yellow Entity-Eater”. But Henke sure as heck saw the Great Big Yellow Entity-Eater once it had been released! And Henke couldn´t believe his eyes! An enormous yellow ball thingy appears out from the middle of the line of trucks and somehow glides over the ground in the direction of the Space Force Base – whilst chewing - and swallowing – everything but everything in its way. Trees, buildings, cars – the works!
 
It occurred to Henke that this deadly alien reminded him of some cheap arcade game from way back when – the 1980s maybe. It struck Henke as being too weird to be true. But somehow - he just couldn´t entirely push the notion out of his mind!
 
Van Patten (addressing Commander K and Lieutenant J):
 
“Technology trumps muscles every frigging time! The Boglodites are toast!”
 
Henke, Rob, Thi and the crowd look on in wonder as they subsequently see the Great Big Yellow Entity-Eater gobble up the Boglodites – as well as the entire Patrick Space Force Base to boot – space rockets, space marines, launch towers and all! When its eating spree is finished the crowd sees a giant spaceship descend from the sky – it picks up the “friendly alien” - and promptly take it off-planet. The crowd bursts out in applause and victory whoops!
 
Then the assembled crowd wonders if all the entertainment is over. Individual members of the crowd begin to drift away – feeling a little disappointed. For – they didn´t get to see much blood. No red blood – nor even green blood!
 
But most members of the crowd stay put for a while. Evidently, they are on the premise that something interesting might perchance still turn up. And - just a few minutes later something does turn up.
 
The survivors of the bloody battle against the Boglodites return to the assembly point in troop carriers-cum-ambulances. A field hospital is rapidly assembled in front of the crowd.
 
Henke scans the wounded as they are brought in. His eyes are captured by – not one of the wounded – but by one of the nurses! Or – rather – by the “aft” of said nurse.
 
Actually – the broad in question was not originally intended to be a nurse. But there had been so many casualties during the battle – so as soon as her “man-dog” Ethan was hit in the thigh by an energy pulse fired by a Boglodite – Eva improvised. She abandoned her assignment - to ensure that the Injuns continued to fight and die. And adopted the job of caring for her dear wounded man-dog. Fortunately, it was just a flesh wound.
 
Henke is tempted to try to sneak away from Thi for the sake of striking up a conversation with his old flame, Eva. But Thi is eagle-eyed! She detects Henke´s re-kindled interest in “the hostess with the mostest” without delay – and gives Henke´s arm a sharp warning pinch.
 
Henke winces from the pain – and wakes up! From his meta-daydream!
 
THE END OF HENKE´S OMINOUS VACATION
 
Henke:
 
“Ouch! Why did you have to pinch me so hard, Thi darling?”
 
Thi:
 
“Because you are daydreaming yet again, Henke! And right now we really need to get back to our hotel on the double – for the sake of packing our things. So that we become able to catch our flight back to Stockholm!””
 
Rob:
 
“Yeah, Henke! Ever since that schizophrenia thing you came down with when you were still a teen-ager – ever since then, you´ve been a perpetual day-dreamer – and dawdler!
 
“Henke, I know it isn´t really your fault. But it´s hard not to get angry with you when you keep on slowing us down time and again! You know – I´ve got to pack my things back in the hotel room, also. For the sake of catching my flight back to Phoenix in time!”
 
Henke:
 
“Oh yeah! I remember now. This is the last day of our vacation! The vacation that´s changed my life. I´ll get a move on right away! Our hotel is in that direction – right?”
 
Henke, Rob and Thi hustle back to their hotel room on Merritt Island. They pack in a hurry - and then catch the bus to the airport in Miami in the nick of time. The vacation which changed Henke´s life was over. Rob returns to Phoenix in Arizona and Henke and Thi return to Stockholm in Sweden.
 
And all´s well that ends well!
 
[Sorry for that awful bromide, everybody. I just couldn´t come up with anything better – notwithstanding my awesome ability to spin crazy-ass fantasies!]
 

THE END