The following train of unreal thoughts in Henke´s semi-psycho consciousness was a wet dream Henke once had. The most wonderful of all the numerous wet dreams which his semi-psycho consciousness has experienced!
 
EVA VISITS HENKE – AND EARNS HER STRIPES!
 
Henke is sitting at home all alone on his living room sofa, early on a Friday evening in the summer of 2010. He is rereading (for the umpteenth time!) that favorite piece of BDSM-related literature of his – The Prussian Girls! I.e. that legendary literary classic perpetrated on mankind by the redoubtable, and reputedly Belgian, author of not-so-softcore porn in the BDSM genre – none other than (drumroll please) P.N. Dedeaux!
 
The doorbell rings. Henke wonders who the heck it could be who has the audacity to distract him from his oh-so-important intellectual activity. (Of a prurient nature!) So – Henke reluctantly hauls his butt out of the living room sofa and goes to open the door.
 
And when he opens said door – what do his eyes see? Would you believe it? Standing right there in the middle of the doorway is – can you believe your eyes, Henke?
 
“ That” drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood celebrity! The Latino hostess with the mostest (booty)! The one and only Eva Mendes! Henke is so utterly bowled over that he almost fails to notice one small (but telling!) detail. Namely that Ms. Mendes seems to be holding – of all peculiar things – a dinky little pink slip - in her left hand! Which hand is sort of dangling at her side. Down in the region adjacent to her left hip.
 
Henke proceeds to politely inquire of Ms. Mendes what her business is - here at the door to his humble abode. And – what on earth is the pink slip all about? The gorgeous broad answers with a quavering voice that she is here to receive a darn good thrashing! She explains to Henke that she is currently in Stockholm for the sake of shooting her next film. But that she has developed a problematic habit of forgetting her lines all the time.
 
So now Eva´s director and her producer – both, of them – they have by now had it up to here with Eva´s inadequate performance. And – for the sake of fixing up this sad situation they have decided to send their most esteemed – but recently beginning to slack off – drop-dead gorgeous female star to one of the numerous local professional disciplinarians who are known to exist in the general greater metropolitan Stockholm region of Sweden.
 
(But of course! It´s obvious, isn´t it? The people of Sweden are - almost every single one of them - so outrageously naughty! And that all of the time! That the entire nation of Sweden sorely needs lots and lots of those indispensable civil servants! Those hard-working professional disciplinarians! So - The director and producer figured that a darn good thrashing would help to motivate Ms. Mendes to shape up in lieu of having to ship out!)
 
Well - fool that Henke is! Henke almost winds up spilling the beans and informing the redoubtable Ms. Mendes that she´s come to the wrong place! For - that high-quality local professional disciplinarian she evidently has an appointment with – the redoubtable Micke Sträng! That meanie happens to live next door to Henke! Which must mean that Ms. Mendes has come to the slightly wrong address. She must have gotten “the door to the left” confused with “the door to the right”! Dumb broad that she is!
 
But Henke catches himself just in time – and speaks these, somewhat disingenuous, words to Ms. Mendes:
 
“Well, Eva! You, naughty, naughty girl! I am, but of course, the man you came to see - Micke Sträng!
 
“But you can just address me as `Sir!´ for the rest of the evening, Eva girl! Now - step right in! Please, Eva! For - I never keep a `customer´ waiting!”
 
And so – Henke instructs Ms. Mendes - in no uncertain terms - to come in and to stand in the middle of his living room floor. While he fetches the rattan cane which he always keeps in a closet for emergencies. Semper paritus!
 
Henke instructs Ms. Mendes in a deep voice which forebodes of doom to “Assume the position – you naughty girl!”
 
Ms. Mendes does as she is told. For - she values the good money that she is being paid for her role in the film so much that she simply cannot refuse! After all? How much of a problem will a little bun-roast be? Compared to the major difficulties which would ensue if she wound up being unable to service the mortgage on her great, big expensive mansion in Hollywood? Well – as soon as Ms. Mendes has assumed the position - Henke yanks down her Yves St. Laurent designer panties! (Riiippp!) Then he positions himself. Unbeknownst to Eva, Henke´s erection is throbbing like mad by now - and causing a bulge at the front of Henke´s trousers. Eva could not possibly have failed to notice it! If it had not been for the obvious and simple circumstance that she was facing away from Henke!
 
Well - without any unnecessary delay Henke proceeds to give Ms. Mendes twelve of the best – for six of the best would obviously not have been sufficient - given the heft of Ms. Mendes´ buns! Twelve real scorchers! Afterwards Ms. Mendes´ nates look like a railway switching yard – tramlines all over the place!
 
Ms. Mendes stands up when Henke finally gives her permission to do so. Tears are in her eyes. And then - Ms. Mendes gushes that she is so, oh-so grateful to “Micke”! For - this awesome experience was just what she had been dreaming of, for all those lonely years and years! But – she gushes out to “Micke” - she had always been too shy to tell her numerous boyfriends about this secret dream of hers. She had been afraid that they would think that she was a “sicko”!
 
But - now – thanks to “Micke” – a.k.a. little old Henke – he had made that desperate dream of hers come true at long last! The BDSM skeleton in her closet had now at long last been gratified! So - Ms. Mendes tells “Micke” – a.k.a. Henke - that she would like to do something for him in return!
 
“Oh! Couldn´t you please think of some favor I could do for you, Micke?” - she begs. She wants oh-so much to show “Micke” her appreciation. Well - but of course – “Micke”, that is to say Henke - pretends to think long and hard.
 
“Well!”- “Micke” tells her, after a long period of feigned uncertainty “I have always dreamed of having an earth-shaking orgasm or two! Do you think that you could possibly help me out with that, Eva?”
 
“Oh – but of course! My darling Micke!” – comes her breathless reply!
 
So - Ms. Mendes and “Micke” retire to Henke´s bedroom. For a few hours afterwards the two of them are engaged in some advanced hanky-panky in Henke´s great big double-bed. Later in the evening Ms. Mendes and Henke are huddling and cuddling together in the middle of the bed and catching their breaths. Then – suddenly, they hear the front door being unlocked and subsequently opened!
 
“Ohmygod!” – Henke thinks to himself. His wife Thi has come home! Her employer must have happened to let her leave work earlier than usual today! And – Henke just knows for sure that his darling wife would tear his balls off if she caught him in bed with another woman!
 
So – “Micke” hastily instructs Ms. Mendes to leave his apartment pronto via the window which opens out onto the balcony. And - she turns out to be a good girl! She grabs her clothes - and then quickly hauls her oh-so-cute butt out onto “Micke´s” balcony - and then shimmies down to the ground outside his and Thi´s apartment building via the drainpipe! She hastily dons her clothes before anyone sees her and scampers off – in search of a cab to take her back to her hotel in another part of greater metropolitan Stockholm.
 
Initially Henke does not breathe a word about what just happened before she came in, to his darling wife, Thi.
 
But! After a few minutes of guilty silence Henke´s conscience gets the better of him. So – he attempts to own up to his moral default. Henke begins to blurt out to Thi the unvarnished truth.
 
“Honey – guess what happened while you were away at work? That drop-dead gorgeous Hollywood celebrity - Eva Mendes! She herself – in the flesh - just happened to drop by and say hello! Isn´t that just amazing, darling? What a weird coincidence!”
 
Well – Henke´s wife Thi does respond to hubbie´s pathetic attempt at practicing the virtue of honesty for once in his life. She responds to it immediately!
 
For - she snarls at Henke!
 
“Henke! Skitstövel! That nonsense is so obviously just another one of your outrageous tall tales! What do you take me for? You think I´m just some dumb bimbo who´s capable of falling for such an outlandish lie? Seriously, Henke? Get real, for Chrissake!
 
“Oh, and one more thing, Henke. Fix the heck up those bed sheets on our double bed ASAP – or else! Those frigging bed sheets are a holy mess! Can´t you ever do any of your fair share of our housework properly?”
 
Well. Henke sure does know from experience what´s good for him when Thi develops that kind of an attitude! So - Henke sure does fix up their double bed correctly! And that pronto! And – sho´ nuff - Thi winds up calming herself down!
 
Still – later in the evening. After Henke and Thi have, the two of them, together climbed into their great big double bed for the sake of getting themselves some much longed-for shuteye. Later, much later, that night, when Thi is having trouble falling asleep - Thi wonders and wonders to herself:
 
“Why on earth does this great big double-bed of ours have to be so gosh darn wet - just when Henke and I really need some good comfy sleep?”
 
Now that sure was one hot wet dream! Ain´t that right, folks? _________________________________________________________________
 
So - the moral of our story:
 
Life sure is a b-tch! Any which way, you cut it or slice it! Just ask Henke!
 
Or– if Henke is preoccupied with another woman at the time (in his dreams).
 
Then just ask his wife instead! Either alternative will do equally well!
 

THE END