A HYPOTHETICAL PHONE CALL TO “THE DONALD”!
 
So - there I was. I was sitting in front of a certain laptop´s screen early in the morning of October 23, 2024 in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. Minding my own business. Just surfing around the internet at random. When “something” just happened! What, precisely was that “something” which just happened?
 
Well. Suddenly, out of nowhere, this Youtube pop-up appeared on my screen! And – it was not just any old pop-up! It was (gasp!) – it was him! “Just my luck!” I had time to think to myself. Before I had time to get awfully much upset!
 
For – it was him!
 
Who might you ask? The obnoxious guy! He was (Drum roll, please!) – one of the two candidates to the presidency at the time. None other than “the Donald”! Himself! In person!
 
For a brief instant I was mystified by the specific context in which that jerk appeared in said Youtube video. He was in a MacDonalds joint somewhere in the U.S. of A. And he was dressed in that typical MacDonald´s attire. And – sho´ nuff! The jerk was, believe it or not, doing that flipping-burgers thing! Can you imagine?
 
Well, I suddenly got a brilliant idea. On the spur of the moment I decided to give the Donald a phone call – for the sake of conveying some friendly advice to him.
 
So – without further ado:
 
THE PHONE CALL
 
Galt: “Hi there! Is this the Donald I´m talking to?”
 
The Donald: “Speaking. Who the heck are you? A fan and not a heckler, I sure hope?”
 
Galt: “Wellllll, Donald – I would be guilty of that fibbing thing. If I said to you that I was a fan of yours. And I know very well, thank you, that I am not supposed to fib!”
 
The Donald: “Why not? I do it all the time!”
 
Galt: “Heh, heh - well. Maybe you do have a point there, Donald! But look – I am always short of time. And I´m sure you´re the same – you being such a busy man and all that!”
 
The Donald: “That sure is true. So, cut to the chase – just who did you say you were? And why are you calling?”
 
Galt: “Well, Donald. My real nickname – back home in Sweden – is Henke. But you can call me Galt.”
 
The Donald: “Oh? Your nickname is Galt? That name sure does ring a bell. I once read a real long novel by some Russian broad which he was in. And you know what? He really did fire up my ego!”
 
Galt: “Yeah – I sure can believe that! It figures. I know it does, coz I read that very same book too!”
 
The Donald: “Wait a minute, Galt! You just said you were from Sweden of all places? What the heck are you? One of those illegal aliens who are trying to hurt America by means of preventing her from becoming great again? I hate illegal aliens I´ll have you know!”
 
Galt: “No, no, Donald. You got me all wrong. I´m one of the good guys. I´m a tourist from Sweden who is visiting America right now. (Specifically, I´m visiting with some of my wife´s next-of-kin right now here in the greater Detroit area.) And, Donald, surely you know how it is? Us tourists – we bring in lots of valuable foreign exchange to America!”
 
The Donald: “Well, Galt. In that case I guess you are OK after all. Even though you did say that you were a Swedish tourist. Surely you know how I feel about those pinko Swedes?”
 
Galt: “OK Donald. OK. No hard feelings. Coz I got much thicker skin than you do. Now – this is why I called. I want to give you a good piece of advice. It´s like this. Just a moment ago I saw a little video clip of you on the internet. The video showed you flipping burgers in some McDonalds joint.”
 
The Donald: “Oh wonderful! It worked! I just knew it right away when that brilliant idea occurred to me a week ago. Me and my boys sure did the right thing when – as always – we got on the ball pronto and really hustled to make all the necessary arrangements for me to pay a visit to one of those disgusting McDonalds joints. One of those joints where all those dumb voters of mine feel like hanging out because of the very fact that they´re so dumb. One of those joints to which I wanted to pay a visit for the sake of posing as a hamburger flipper! For just a few short minutes at least. In front of lots and lots of cameras, but of course!
 
“And then - lo and behold – winding up with the votes of millions and millions of my oh-so-loyal but also oh-so-dumb voters! I just knew that brilliant stunt of mine was gonna be a surefire way for me to get still more votes. So that I would in fact, stand a chance at least, to haul my butt into the White House! I really am such a smart guy! No matter what everyone else says. Those pathetic dummies!”
 
“I guess I really am a worthy emulator, after all, of that favourite role model of mine! Whose name for some reason seems to be your nickname also, Henke.”
 
Galt: “Sure Donald. I won´t argue with you when you say that `brilliant´ idea of yours was destined to prove itself to be one real smart way for you to grab lots and lots of votes. But Donald – I have an idea of my own for you right now! An idea of my own which I for one think would be much smarter still!”
 
Donald: “What the? You think you are much smarter than me, Galt? How the heck dare you?”
 
Galt: “Donald, Donald – calm down! Going apoplectic ain´t good for you! Coz you might just have a heart attack! Please calm down now and listen to me for just a moment.”
 
Donald: “Oh, all right, Galt. I´ll give you just another minute – but not one minute more! Coz my patience with you is wearing mighty thin by now!”
 
Galt: “Sure, Donald. Sure! I´ll be quick now. Coz I have a delightful little doggie waiting for me. Here´s the deal, Donald. Flipping burgers in a McDonalds joint for the sake of grabbing a vote. Or two. Or even three. Is indeed a good idea, Donald. There´s no disputing that!
 
“But – you know what I think, Donald?
 
“Flipping burgers in some McDonalds joint for the sake of making a living, Donald! Dear chap. That would be a much better idea for you! Word of honour! No kidding! Please listen to me, Donald! Ambition is, to be sure, an utterly important virtue. That is true. But Donald – being realistic is an utterly necessary virtue! Donald! You really should learn that from the negative example of Peter Keating.”
 
The Donald: “Who the heck is Peter Keating?”
 
Galt: “Keating was a major character in the other great novel by that `Russian broad´ – i.e. The Fountainhead.”
 
The Donald: “Wow! I never even suspected that Ayn Rand had written another great novel besides Atlas Shrugged! Just goes to show how wrong you can be sometimes! Even when you are me! “The Donald”! I sure will check out that Fountainhead novel right away! I´m already dying to find out more about that Peter Keating guy. For I know full well that I can always learn something of value from still another role model!”
 
Galt: “Well, Donald. I honestly don´t think that the Keating guy could teach you anything of value. Because I do honestly believe that you have already figured it all out on your own!
 
“But please let me continue. You know why I just said that realism is a necessary virtue? Well, you know Donald - one really good-for-you means of being realistic is `to not be bigger than your britches´!
 
The Donald: “Hey! You better watch your step there, Galt! I´m warning you!”
 
Galt: “Another virtue, Donald, is this. It´s a good idea not to be afraid to change careers whenever you happen to find out that you have made a mistake. Sometimes it does happen that it dawns on you eventually that the career you chose to commit yourself to when you were young was not the right one for you after all! Because for some reason or other it just doesn´t suit you!”
 
The Donald: “What´s that you´re saying, Galt? Being the POTUS wouldn´t suit me? Are you out of your mind? I am me and I know for sure – because I can feel it! That being the POTUS would suit me just fine!”
 
Galt: “Aw, c´mon Donald. You know better than that! Deep down inside, that is. You don´t belong in the White House. For - you would be a fish way out of water! You are not man enough to be POTUS.
 
“You belong in a McDonalds joint – not the White House. Flipping burgers would suit you just fine – given your level of ability. OK, Donald. I sure hope I didn´t hurt your feelings. I was just trying to be nice to you. Honest. By means of giving you some helpful advice.”
 
The Donald: “I hate you, Galt!”
 
NOW THE DONALD ABRUPTLY HANGS UP – AND SO THIS IMAGINED (BY HENKE) PHONY-BALONEY PHONE CALL ENDS!
 
Galt: “Ah, well. That was a bit frustrating. But – I am not really down, much at all, right now. Coz now I finally get to go and play with that cute little doggie who is sitting all alone in the kitchen - Bentley. And he sure is much more fun than “The Donald”!
 
“Bentley, Bentley, dear! Yes, Bentley! I hear you yelping! “Here I come, Bentley!”
 

THE END